HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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