I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize