We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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