he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize