He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize