I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
