my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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