So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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