It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
