I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
