My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
