Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
