I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
