FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
