Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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