i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
