We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
