Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
and you fell through a lawn chair
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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