dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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