I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
