The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
