I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
