Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
