That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
