don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
