And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
