What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
