i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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