1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
