I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
