i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
