There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
