haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How's work?
Spinning.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
