nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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