ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
