So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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