Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
