she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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