Your tits are I can't wait for
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
