I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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