you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
