Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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