I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ugly people sure do ruin things
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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