My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
