Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
