my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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