Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
