girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
