he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
