I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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