The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize