Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
