i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
