dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
