I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
