There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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