JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
