remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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