I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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