just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
