the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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