Jerry, you need to find god
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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