Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize