Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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