I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize