planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
