Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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