shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
