Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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