How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
