he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
