Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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