Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
